


Endurance

by Chloe_Hallow_Eve



Series: Black Paladin Lance [10]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Haha my poor baby, Langst, Psychological Trauma, Torture, lance is hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-19 21:27:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10648389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chloe_Hallow_Eve/pseuds/Chloe_Hallow_Eve
Summary: It's strange, the thoughts that go through your mind, when you're faced with constant pain.Set after The Blue In The Black





	Endurance

Torture is torture, no matter how you look at it, and no matter who does it. If the bad guys do it, it won't hurt any less than if the good guys use the same methods. And if the good guys do it, does that really make them any better than the bad? You may use excuses such as “we’re not the same, they’re not like us,” or “they deserve it,” but that doesn't justify the pain, and possible death, you’re causing this person. 

 

Lance would argue that bullying someone is committing torture. No matter the age, no matter the type, you are actively isolating a person to use as a physical or verbal punching bag. You cause that person pain for your own gain. And eventually, the person targeted will start to believe they're not worth anything more than what you give them. 

 

Middle school was a tough time for Lance. 

 

Lance compared that time to now, the cool metal table pressed into his back, force-based cuffs chafing his wrists and ankles, skin crackling with the after effects of electricity. He knew this was probably worse than anything he’d gone through from grade six to grade nine, but he would need more information before he came to a clear conclusion. 

 

Lance blinked back into reality, eyes already used to the glaring light above him, when the door opened. He plastered on the biggest grin he could manage as Haggar came into view. “Back again? I’ve got to say, I do enjoy your visits, but this is a bit much. You’ll end up smothering me, darling.”

 

Haggar didn’t reply. She instead slowly leaned over him, and Lance felt her unforgiving gaze bore into his eyes. He stared back, feeling the trickles of fear start to build into a pool. She reached a bony hand down and tapped his forehead, humming thoughtfully. Lance knew better than saying anything when she was in deep thought. After a few moments, a smile stretched across her lips. 

 

“You have much potential, blue paladin.” She chuckled. “And yet, you are the least useful. I have to commend your strength. I know, if we continue the way we are, nothing will get done.” She walked behind him and out of his line of sight. “You are very selfless. Arguably the most, though the yellow one seems very much the same in the way of morals. And that’s what makes you so precious, isn’t it? Your morals.” 

 

Lance stared forward, grin still in place. It was sad that he could follow her line of thinking so well by now. He felt her fingers, still on his forehead, slide into his hair and scratch like he was a dog Haggar was particularly fond of. At this point, he might as well be. 

 

“It’s what keeps you and the Champion unafflicted by our darkness.” Her other hand joined the first, and she gripped the sides of his head tightly. She leaned over, hood down, yellow eyes inches from Lance’s. “Maybe it is what makes you all perfect for Voltron. But alas, I will break you. You will do as we say one day, blue paladin. We will use everything good about you and turn it into your weakness.”

 

Lance suppressed a shiver, and stretched his grin so wide it hurt. “Good luck with that.”

 

And with that, she vanished. The feeling of her fingers lingered, like bugs crawling under his scalp. The bugs made their way to his heart and splashed in the pool, leaking some fear over his body. It was a cold feeling. But then again, when wasn’t he cold? Fear and despair had a weird way of slowing his heart rate and lowering his temperature. The table under him didn’t help either. 

 

Lance closed his eyes. Haggar would wake him again when she needed him. She usually did so with little shocks of electricity, but sometimes she’d switch it up with a blade. Either way, he’d cross that bridge when he got there. 

 

* * *

Most days, Haggar was the only one to walk into the room. It seemed she didn’t trust anyone else to take care of him. It was understandable, since they now knew that there were Blade soldiers anywhere and everywhere. Her visits were… interesting, to say the least. Sometimes, she would come and spoon feed him. Other times, she’d blast in like a rolling storm and hit him with her worst. It was like she was playing good cop, bad cop, and crazy cop all in one. Lance thought it was impressive that Haggar was so dedicated to breaking him, but her efforts were kind of laughable. 

 

Every once in awhile, Lotor would come in. He’d clean Lance of all the dried blood, brush his fingers against his arm comfortingly, then leave. Sometimes, he would be with Haggar. He would never say anything, but Lance knew he was doing all he could to find a way to get him out of there. He trusted Lotor to do that for him. 

 

There was a total of one time that Haggar used her powers to reach into his mind. The effects had been nearly irreversible. She’d somehow been able to semi-fix what she had done, but it left most of Lance’s thought process a mess. Lotor had been horrified to find out what happened when he started babbling, but stayed silent and cold to the best of his ability. 

 

Haggar had taken to asking Lance questions about himself to try and coax an understandable answer out of him. 

 

“Lance, what is your last name?”

 

Lance rolled his head to look over at her, a lazy smile on his face despite the full body twitches his body seemed insistent on doing. “Big mac and cheese Donald dinner, claim that burger with an ‘n’.” 

 

He didn’t know why he was giggling. 

 

Haggar sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. “You’re even more useless like this.”

 

Lance didn’t know why he was trying to bite his own shoulder. Maybe it was because that was where Haggar had last touched him. “Little worms wriggling around in the machine. Little worms get ground up and clog the gears, dude, those little worms are bad.”

 

She sighed again. “Yes, I suppose this is my fault, isn’t it? Set myself up for failure.”

 

Lance cackled. He didn’t know why his voice sounded raw. Had he been screaming?

 

“I’ll have to find a way to repair you further if I want to use you.” She murmured, taking some notes. 

 

Lance didn’t know what he said next. He didn’t know what she was talking about. He didn’t know where he was. He didn’t know who he was. 

 

He didn’t know. 

 

He didn’t know. 

 

He didn’t know. 

 

* * *

Whatever liquid Haggar shoved down his throat seemed to help. He didn’t feel like he was underwater anymore, or that someone had taken all of his memories or proper speech patterns and set them aflame. The sudden clarity had been disorientating, and Haggar had allowed one of his hands to be free as he retched. She seemed to be forgiving that day, since she didn’t strap him in as tightly as before. 

 

“Don’t try thinking about what I was doing in your head if you know what’s good for you.” 

 

Lance didn’t need to be told twice. He glanced over at the little amount of bile that had come out, and frowned when it seemed to glow. Haggar quickly swept a hand in front of his vision, and the substance was gone. He decided not to question it. 

 

“Be glad I still have some use for you.” And with that, she was gone. 

 

Lance stared at where she had been. He wondered if whatever she gave him was _supposed_ to make him numb.

 

* * *

Lance didn’t understand the magic of theatre until one of his friends had forced him into auditioning for the school play. It had been his last year of middle school, and he had thought, ‘why not’, since after that he would be a couple states away in the Galaxy Garrison. It had been Beauty and the Beast, and Lance had gotten the part of Gaston. The experience ended up changing him. He chose to base Gaston’s character off of his bullies, and had found it to be therapeutic. It didn’t hurt that he had never been shy about his ability to sing, and it seemed everyone agreed it was good. But nothing had come close to performing. The nerves beforehand, the exhilaration of making a crowd feel the way you wanted them to, and the chemistry between you and those on stage were all things that caused Lance to fall in love with the theatre. 

 

It was a shame the school he had chosen to go to had no sort of art programs at all. But that love had stuck with him, and whenever he could, he would find new musicals to listen to and enjoy. Hunk, being his roommate, was usually subjected to listening to all his choices alongside him. It ended up being a cool bonding activity for them, once Hunk was confident enough to start requesting specific plays. Whenever Lance could, he’d quote a play. Whenever Lance could get away with it, he’d sing. It caused the professors to target him more often than they already had, but it was worth it to be able to express himself in that short moment. 

 

Lance found, staring at the communication screen, locked up, beaten, and weak, staring at a planet the Galra had tracked the rest of the paladins down to be on (including Shiro,  _ they’d done it, Shiro was there _ ), only one song could come to mind. Even when he was staring into the faces of his friends and a million or so natives, he smiled, and sang. 

 

“Raise a glass to freedom/ Something they can never take away/ No matter what they tell you.” He didn’t care that Haggar was driving her magic into his guts, didn’t care that everyone was screaming at him to shut up, his smile was real for once and by God he would use this moment of happiness to sing. “Raise a glass to the four of us/ Tomorrow they’ll be more of us/ Telling the story of tonight.”

  
He did care when she drove her entire hand into his chest and gripped his heart. 

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Easter, dear readers. Have some pain and cliffhangers to celebrate the beginning of a new cycle of seasons. 
> 
> I'll admit, this isn't my best. But I kind of wanted it to be choppy and hard to understand. So there's that. 
> 
> I'll see you next Sunday, guys. I love you all, thank you so much for your support, and stay awesome!


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